Man's Best Friend
by Fisherella
Summary: This basically picks up where the Hand Banana episode left off. My interpretation of what happened. Carl and Hand Banana. My first actual story here. Please R&R.


Carl Brutananadilewski and Hand Banana in "Man's Best Friend"

Hand Banana paused from his assault on Carl. Spaghetti continued undistracted. Looking behind himself, Hand Banana noticed that Shake was watching from the window with obvious interest and enjoyment. It made the yellow dog feel uncomfortable.

"Hey, Spaghetti! Help me drag Carl inside," said Hand Banana.

Spaghetti ignored him and continued humping. Hand Banana realized that Spaghetti heard him only in yelps and barks – dog sounds. It was the way most people heard him, most people, but not Carl.

With growing frustration, Hand Banana pondered his situation. Grabbing the back of Carl's shirt with his teeth, Hand Banana pulled Carl and Spaghetti into Carl's house. It was hard work for the little dog, but he struggled until he had pulled them over the threshold.

Carl was dragged along limply. He had either passed out or was playing dead in hopes that the dogs might leave him alone. Finally, Hand Banana pulled him all the way inside.

Hand Banana leapt at Spaghetti, snarling and baring his canine teeth. Spaghetti sprang backwards, outside, with a yelp. Hand Banana slammed the door in his face. Standing up on his rearmost limbs, Hand Banana locked the door and then turned toward Carl, who was still lying on the floor. Dropping back onto two legs, Hand Banana crept toward Carl, sniffing him and proceeded to lick Carl's bald head until he stirred.

"Wha? You done raping me?" Carl asked.

"We can do that later," said Hand Banana. "Right now we need to talk."

"Okay! Let's talk dog! What the hell do you want from me? You want everyone to think I'm crazy? Is that it? What did I ever do to you?"

"You understand me," said Hand Banana softly. "No one else does."

"I don't understand you at all!" Carl yelled at the dog, sitting up and examining his torn clothes.

"Then how are we having this conversation?" Hand Banana asked, sitting down and tilting his head.

"I don't know," said Carl. "But apparently I'm the only one who hears the friggin shit you say."

Exactly Carl," said Hand Banana, a certain wistfulness creeping into his voice. "I'm able to mind-link with you, but I can't do it with everyone. In fact, you're the only person I met so far that I could do that with."

"That other dog, Spaghetti could talk too," Carl observed.

"Apparently dogs created with that software can mind-link with you. You must have some kind of a special gift."

"So, that's why you rape me?" Carl demanded.

Hand Banana's head tilted further to the side with confusion. "Yes," he answered hesitantly.

They sat on the floor of Carl's living room, staring at each other, trying to understand the complexity of the situation they found themselves in.

"You don't like it?" Hand Banana asked, his voice filled with perplexity.

Carl scratched the bit of hair he had on the back of his head and said, "Actually, I've had worse. Some of these broads I've picked up in bars, well… you're better."

Hand Banana's eyes narrowed and his ears pushed back a bit. "Well, you just made a big mistake. Now you've got another messed up dog to deal with. Why did you go and use that software to make another dog after seeing what a freak I turned out to be."

The dog's beady black eyes held a deep sadness and Carl found himself feeling somewhat sorry for the deformed, yellow creature that had terrorized his existence.

"I figured I could make a dog that could stop you from raping me."

Hand Banana's ears sank even lower.

"Besides," Carl added quickly. "You're Meatwad's dog."

"I don't want to be Meatwad's dog. I want to be your dog, Carl."

"But I got a dog now… Spaghetti."

"Right. What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know," said Carl. "Nothing is working out the way I thought it would. I'm so confused right now."

"I know something that might cheer you up," said Hand Banana. He scampered into the kitchen and came back carrying a plate in his mouth. On the plate were cupcakes. Hand Banana set it on the floor in front of Carl, and then sat down, panting and wagging his tail.

Carl inspected the cupcakes on the plate and said, "These aren't mine. Where did they come from?"

"I made them for you and brought them over for… you know, tonight. I would have brought more, but your neighbors ate most of them."

"You made these?" Carl asked. "How the hell does a dog learn how to cook?"

"I don't know how I know. I just know certain things. Like how to make pastries. And how to do CPR. And that I'm extremely attracted to you."

Carl tested the cupcake cautiously and then said, "Hey, this is pretty good! So you were just crated knowing how to cook stuff like this?"

"Must be that software they used to create me," said Hand Banana. As Carl tasted the cupcake, Hand Banana crept closer to him, putting his head on Carl's shoulder and wrapping one of his limbs around Carl's back.

Carl pulled away, dropping the cupcake back onto the plate. "Hey! Wait a minute! Where is Spaghetti?"

"He's outside. I locked him out there," Hand Banana replied.

Carl got up off the floor and went to his front door.

"Hey, Hand Banana, guard my back," Carl said.

Hand Banana smiled and wagged his tail.

"Yeah, heh heh, guard my back… I thought you'd like that one. Look, just don't let him rape me this time, okay? It's one thing with you doing it, but I'm his father so it's even worse when he does it."

"Okay," said Hand Banana, coming to stand at Carl's side. "But you might want to stop talking out loud to me. Everyone will think you're nuts and haul you away."

"So, what? Like you can read my thoughts or something?"

"Yes."

"That's unnerving."

Carl opened the door and there sat Spaghetti, looking at him and Hand Banana. The yellow dog growled and stayed protectively close to Carl, his short fur bristling. Spaghetti regarded them both with a melancholy gaze.

"I heard everything," said Spaghetti. "Well, everything you said Carl, and some dog noises."

"Yeah Spaghetti, I was talking to Hand Banana and uh…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know!" Spaghetti interrupted. "I'm a third wheel. You and Hand Banana had your thing going on before I even showed up. It's too bad though. I think we could have been great together.

Carl frowned and yelled, "I'm your father!"

"Yeah, yeah! Whatever!" Spaghetti mocked. "Hey, I'm out of here. Who the hell wants to live in New Jersey anyway? I'm going to go and mind link with someone else. Think I'll uh… roam the earth looking for romance. Maybe even long after you're dead Carl!"

"Let him go, Carl," said Hand Banana, wrapping himself sensually around Carl's leg, leaning his head against his thigh.

"But I created him!" said Carl.

"The software should be destroyed," said Hand Banana. "It needs to be taken away from Frylock and Shake, but I don't want to go back there right now. I just want to be with you… tonight."


End file.
